When we write about death and grief, it often seems like we try to make out like it’s this beautiful tragedy; when in reality it’s utter shit and leaves gaping holes in your heart, not the ones you can fix either
I haven’t begun to scratch the surface of my grief over losing my mother as I begin to navigate losses of others in my life. Grief is not linear, just like life, it doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. In fact, it’s like walking down the street and having a double decker bus hit you out of nowhere.
Each season of life brings a new face of grief, because you see; we all know the “stages” of grief, but what those who haven’t suffered their own loss don’t understand, is that every “stage” is always there. Anger, Acceptance, Denial, Sadness, waiting in the wings for their moment to step out, each one wraps you in its arms, a warm disguise for its otherwise cold intentions.
As my family (and friends) navigate the loss of a dear friend, who also lost her battle to cancer; we are reminded of the fragility of life. How easy it is to take each breath for granted, I still am so guilty of this. I often find myself turning to negativity in my life rather than focusing on what is positive, I’m still learning how to channel my grief into outlets that feed my soul with nourishment rather than deprive it. I think that’s something so many of us struggle with. With that being said, we still have to feel in order for our hearts to heal. Whenever someone asks how I’m doing, and I tell them I’m good or I’m okay, they act relieved as though me being good means I’m “over” my mother’s death..the sad reality is, death will never be something we get over. It is merely a hurdle we have to clear as we continue our life’s journey. Yet we can choose to feel each emotion that death brings or we can bottle up for fear of being too emotional, So I tell you, choose to feel. Choose to be sad and angry, happy and joyful, because each of these emotions will be part of your grieving process.
I’m still learning how to write here, how to share my thoughts in such a public way, so I’ll leave it at this; A reminder that life doesn’t stop for anyone, bad things happen to good people, friends and family leave the world much before we or they are ready, but how we react to these fleeting moments is how the rest of our lives will unfold. We are all hurtling towards the same inevitable ending, so be kind, be courteous and share your love with everyone.